-Don't act like a needy person. In fact, until you're in a solid relationship, try to hide any neediness almost entirely. (I mean, if you need to take a leak; or to eat a peanut-butter-and-jelly-sandwich you have in your handbag for fits of low blood sugar; or to have a glass of water ... by all means. But don't act like there's anything you need from the other person.)
-Don't be negative. This means you shouldn't criticize the loud/poorly dressed/gauche people on the other side of the bar from you. Don't complain that your Pinot is not quite Noir-y enough, or that your salad would've been a lot more awesome if they'd only added a splash of Holy Water from Fatima on it. Don't complain about your job. Or your family. Or that one really toxic friend of yours. (I don't care if she always gets wasted and throws up on your shoes, or if she always borrows money in small denominations--like $5 here, $10 there--and never pays you back. Do not mention her! And really, while you're at it, shouldn't you consider breaking up with her?) If you need to vent about any of these things--wait till you're sitting with an old pal, or you're on the couch at your shrink's office. A big part of the reason we're attracted to people is because we think they are going to make our lives happier--and the more negative you are, the less likely it is that a dude will think you'll bring some sunshine to his sad existence.
-Always keep this idea in the forefront of your mind: You are not trying to find out if the person you are flirting with or dating accepts YOU.You are trying to figure out if YOU accept HIM. Does he have qualities that you value? Does he make you feel good? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated?
-Remember that most guys like to pursue. So, while you may be the one initiating contact ... let him do the work after you've met. Let him call you for dates, write the follow-up emails, and plan for the future. Of course, you want to make it clear that you enjoy his company--but keep him guessing about just how much you really like him until you feel comfortable with the fact that he's totally into you.
-Have fun and be playful. Think about how awesome it is when someone makes a little joke, says something out of the ordinary, or simply engages in a spontaneous act of goofiness. We all like to smile and (even better) to laugh. When you're flirting, approach strangers with the attitude that if nothing else happens, at least you're going to have fun--and you'll always come out a winner.
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